Deja vu….

Been awhile since I last posted here at Hoarding Woes & You. I hope some of you new visitors have found the back posts of interest in helping you deal with the stresses of hoarding, at whatever level you are dealing with the problem.

Out family is yet again, facing some of the same variables that we dealt with these past several years: elder care, dementia, denial, moderate accumulations of stuff, family dynamics, future health care decisions, cleanups and wondering how the family will deal with the evolving stages.

This time, a probable benefit will be a larger family unit to assist in cleanups, decision-making and elder care.

The same sensibilities are evolving: attempting to not steamroll the elders with impatience, confusing advise or many voices at once. Pride and fears are evident in the elders and it important the family members remind each other to go slow, to listen as much as speak, to share the load of care and to give the elders some sense of ownership and empowerment as life unfolds. So far, this effort at awareness has had its bumps and hurt feelings.

Also, some have worked to the point of exhaustion or illness. Yet, most have jobs, other obligations of family and their own respective health issues. It is a blessing that this time around we, as an extended family unit, have more human potential to maintain a happy, healthy course of action.

I have been ill of late (nothing too serious), but it highlights more than rising off one’s sick bed to help at all costs…no, one is contagious and cannot be around already sick elders and all that could go with infecting the sick elder as well as the caregivers.

Again, we are faced with a wait and see mode regarding any cleanups because the elders are really not of a mind to have their belongings moved let alone sold or donated. So, to keep the peace, we are organizing a bit, suggesting cleanups and yard maintenance, but not pushing true removal/thinning of items. This next effort pales in comparison to our two previous hoarding cleanup, but will still require decisions on downsizing, moving, sales, keepsakes, etc.

Even here, there is a hesitancy to complete DNR paperwork or at least have a discussion. With one member being in moderate dementia the time may have passed to have a meaningful discussion re healthcare expectation and end of life decisions.

So, even having been down this road several times before, we find ourselves looking at some of the same problems again. 


16 thoughts on “Deja vu….

  1. Carol

    What a surprise to receive this. I am so glad I am still subscribed. Sometimes in life, one learns difficult lessons the hard way and then never has the need or opportunity to actually use the skills so learned again. Perhaps one shares what one has learned with others but just doesn’t benefit again themselves. You are definitely not in the non-sharing or using again category. It appears you have charted a reasonable way to pace the helping as well as a compassionate route of understanding and trying to do the necessary helping in the kindest way possible. I wish you the very best in your endeavors.


  2. I have been through all that, I understand what you said, when family members have health problems, they get old… We do what we can, it takes a lof of energy, and one day, we will be old aswell.

  3. Bonnie

    Like Carol, I’m glad I’m still subscribed to your blogging insights, too. When I began to read your blog we didn’t have an “elder problem”. It was fascinating to read about your patience with your mother and your aunt. Now the problem is in our backyard. Not identical, by any means, but still a problem that we (mostly husband) have tried to make better, with a smooth transition into assisted living but it has just not come to pass. At the 11th Hour my MIL pulls out of moving on to the next step. Carol also mentioned the situations we are knee deep in and wonder is this supposed to help ME later or is this supposed to help someone else who is going to experience something similar. I can surely tell you that what you’ve shared (patience with an aging elder who makes things difficult; not the hoarding) has helped me. Your style of writing allows your story to resonate. I think I’ll glance through some of your posts again that deal with the dementia and frustrations that come with it……albeit there is no dementia diagnosis; just a controlling elderly mother. So….thank you for being comfortable sharing what you do and I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been ill. I will pray for you & your family. Does this in any way mean you’ll be blogging on Hoarding Woes again? Bonnie

    1. Thank you Bonnie for the very kind comments. You have always been a gem of wisdom and support. We so appreciate that! I wish you the very best with the elders. You will be of wonderful assistance to your husband, I am sure.

  4. annietiques

    Recently my husband and I found ourselves alone in our home of 35 years..both children finally flown the nest! As I looked around at the remnants of our past lives, I realized that we are alone……no longer a extra hand to move furniture or fix broken plumbing etc. This realization was exciting on one hand but frightening on the other!!! Not knowing what the future will bring, Hubby and I have begun the serious task of downsizing…….in order to make whatever transitions lie before us easier, we are engaged in a war against stuff!!!! Box after box of paper records, stuffed animals, tax records going back to the eighties…….BUT, we are winning the war!!

    Not wanting to leave this task to our children, we are determined to winnow down our possessions while we are still physically and mentally able…

    I thank you and your beautiful wife for sharing with all of us that anything is possible! Any mountain of crappola can and will be managed!!! One day at a time!!!

    1. Oh thank you so much for the kind words of love and enduring support through our journey. We are with you as well. Now we are doing what you are doing and we are also in the midst of my wife’s parent’s struggle with health and stuff. Simplicity while we can. Onward and upward!!!! 🙂

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  6. Pingback: Deja vu…. – Truth Troubles: Why people hate the truths' of the real world

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