Keep Moving & Don’t Slow Down! Pay Attention!!


I bought some more low growing, colorful (eventually) perennials for that small front section I have been wanting to brighten up at my Aunt’s. You can click on the pics to enlarge.

So keep moving. Watch your elders to notice any differences in their gait and mental aptitude. What you do about it is of interest, but their safety is important…physically and mentally. Which brings to mind something else.

My Mom at some point unknown to me joined a network of supposed elders and exchanged greeting cards with strangers. She sent cards and she received many cards. How sweet. I suppose so. Maybe a bad response on my part. I thought it was BS. I get it. I just don’t see it beyond the absolute lonely out there and maybe that was my mom’s intent. But, she didn’t really know about these strangers she wrote to. 

She sure as hell didn’t notice the return address to the Oregon State Penitentiary from some predatory asshole that was writing her. I put a stop to that and clued her in. Of course, I wasn’t delicate enough. She was living under our roof in decline, in hospice, and soon dead. 

Today, I heard of another elder, living alone, at odds with her daughter. Somehow, the facts are still sketchy, she made the acquaintance of an asshole. She corresponded with him. He eventually showed up at her door and of course was admitted. Once inside her home, he restrained her. Drugged her. ‘Assaulted’ her. Robbed her. She may or may not make it. Will she ever be the same? Will her family, who had backed away to keep the peace, be the same?

Without delving into either of the above incidents….the dynamic is the same whether we are talking about there taking their meds, living safe, hoarding, asking for help, consorting with assholes: are you involved and if not, and near, is it because you are avoiding the wrath, the anger, the cold shoulder, the guilt? Hmmm…one can see there are various degrees of guilt and regret.

So tell me, do you do a better job of tracking your twelve year old’s conduct…who they associate with, their health? Do you give a crap at their blow back…nope. I know, I know there is the respect issue and parent/child relationship. If they are acting like a child then you have to respond. But, you decide to be as delicate, patronizing, manipulative as you have to be, just make sure they are safe and no predators are writing them or Lord have mercy visiting them. Speak Up!


5 thoughts on “Keep Moving & Don’t Slow Down! Pay Attention!!

  1. Thank you. Yes, I think that is what the purpose is really…sentimental. Neighbors are seeing it and enjoying it. The cooler weather locally will help the plants adjust to their new home.

  2. As our parents have aged (we’ve only lost 1 of 4 at this point) the only thing we’ve had to deal with is having two parents stop driving. Luckily they both thought this through themselves and made the right decision so we didn’t have to have “the talk”. But I was talking to a peer of mine about her own mother, in her 70’s, who is now involved in a lawsuit, having hit and seriously injured a woman because of the so common hit-the-gas-pedal-when-she-meant-to-hit-the-brake mistake. There have been other, less serious infractions as well. When I asked about why she was still driving she explained that the judge had not taken her license away and she would be inconvenienced by not having her license. I guess its just a case of the daughter sticking her head in the sand. So scarey. You hit the nail on the head when you list fear of wrath, anger, cold shoulder as the block to children of elderly parents doing the right thing. But the fear of them hurting/killing an innocent person would weigh even heavier! So hard to understand.

    The plants are just a lovely memorial…..and therapeutic for you. Thank you for showing them.

  3. We actually went through this with my great aunt who was developing Alzheimer’s (who was actually a hoarder as well). There was a mother and daughter who belonged to the same church as her and would give her a ride every once in a while. It started getting sketchy when they started going into her house and meddling in her business by becoming startlingly over-concerned about how we were taking care of her and her finances. Luckily, my mother took notice of this and decided it was time to put her in assisted living, but I could imagine the damage they could have done if nobody was there to watch over her. It is quite sad to hear these sorts of stories, sometimes it takes a startling event to realize how incapacitated they really are.

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