Hoarding Woes: Back to the Scene of the Loss…Kind of

Maybe it has happened to you, it has to me. You say goodbyes and promises are made to stay in touch. Time passes without contact and it just seems awkward to reconnect.

My Auntie passed away two and a half months ago. Then, the tireless care givers looked us in the eyes and asked us to please stay in touch. ‘Of course’ I thought. Such nice people, why wouldn’t we. But, we hadn’t. Week by week we turned our attention toward the hoarding home and it just seemed, for me, somber to go back. But last night, my wife dropped by to say hello. 

It is very easy to look ahead to the challenges of new tasks, new needs, to escape the past that carries burdens of regret, loss, heartache, fatigue.

They were ecstatic at her visit and profusely thanked her for visiting. She sat and listened to their recent life’s journey, since my Aunt passed away from their care. They have had three more residents come in and pass away within weeks of arriving. All the deceased had family, but they did not visit after depositing their family members. The cycle of caregiving, dementia and death continues for  these wonderful people who do the dirty work many choose not too. They provide the care that our minds cannot endure. They never make one feel guilty or negligent. They just give the care the resident requires.

Two of the original residents that have been there for several years and were there while my Aunt was are still doing fine. Battling various ailments, they plug along day by day ever more part of the facility family. 

These gracious providers of care see it all. They bring in young women to learn the trade and they in turn deal with the serious side of life. It all combines, at least in this instance, into a loving, supportive place for the ill, demented, dying to hold onto some degree of dignity.

The care givers asked how I was. They asked if I would drop by to visit. May I admit, I have a mental block about it? Not about the sweet people that work there or live there. It is, for me, a door that shut. Silly, I know. I need to do it soon. It’s only right.

On a different note, I had submitted my Aunt’s tax return information to the accountants. It was done today and I came by to pick the copies up for the estate report. She owed nothing and received nothing back. Fitting I suppose. She died on February 5th. I will have to have a similar tax return prepared next year for the 36 days of income she made this year.

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3 thoughts on “Hoarding Woes: Back to the Scene of the Loss…Kind of

  1. It is hard to look forward and back at the same time. There will be a time when it is not so painful to visit the caregivers. I know I didn,t even think about going back to the hospital after mom died. I guess it is different from hospice, but the nurses still give so much every day and then usually don’t know what happens after the patient leaves. I am learning a lot from your blog about my own hoarding family.

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