Dying to Know…………

Sitting in a room with a loved one dying. She is in that other place. Gone but still gasping for every breath now. I have stared at her. I have rubbed her beautiful grey hair. I have whispered to her. I have studied up on mottling of the lower extremities.

I have phoned all those that would want to know the time appears to be drawing near. I have received their loves for Auntie, which I am asked to pass on with a kiss. And, I have done that. The care giver is tearful. She has given deeply to my aunt day in and day out for seven months. I have read to my aunt from the bible and from a wonderful writer I just discovered…Max Lucado. I have researched pacemakers and the effect upon a dying person. I have listened to the facility noises of dinner and the TV tuned to old MASH episodes (I sat through every episode of MASH several times over as my mom lay dying in our home…I honestly don’t like to hear the theme music for MASH anymore). 

The morphine has been doubled. The agitations and throes temporarily abated. My dear Auntie chugs away one gasping breath after another as if breathing through a pillow. Hard to watch. Welling up often. It was a beautiful day today. Tonight, the East wind blows steady and cold.

From a devoted nephew in South Dakota

I have completed the slide show in her honor with a nice mix of older and newer pictures. I must put some thoughts down on paper for myself or someone else to offer up in memory of my aunt.

Ok, this has taken some twenty minutes to write. This will not be a blow by blow beyond what it has been. Thank you for the very heartfelt prayers and kind words…so very kind and special.


6 thoughts on “Dying to Know…………

  1. Dayle

    Peace to you Gary, Max Lucado is definitely a great writer and fine man as well. I am keeping vigil in another town, another care facility. It has been a long spell, and I am weary. Soon the weariness will give way to grief. I pray comfort for you and the family. Blessings.


  2. Ginny

    I started reading this blog because of your struggle with your Auntie’s dementia, because I was going through the same thing with my mother. Each day, I’ve looked forward to the next installment of your story, to compare notes in a way, to take a deep breath and relax, knowing there was someone else taking the same journey. I’ve so badly wanted to keep a journal, but found it too hard to write the words. I’m glad you are able to keep up with it so faithfully, because it helps me to read thoughts that are so similar to mine. Thank you. Your kindness and patience have been an inspiration. My mom passed away last week, and I understand the waiting. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. erintakescontrol

    I have been following your blog for some time now. Always meaning to comment…I didn’t make that happen until now. From a “random stranger” on the internet, know that I pray for you and your Aunt daily.

    1. That is very kind Erin. These prayers have genuinely moved me all along. This past several weeks they have saved my sanity to know the compassion of others…really all ‘random stranger'(s) filled with such heart. Thank you and I do know the little, sweet girl appreciates it most now.

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