Finding Balance, Scale, Landmarks…………

Brain busting day. My aunt awake, conversant, forming words…..thankful for the visit…wow! Wow coupled with dementia outbursts of anger….sliding back into a deep retreat. The full meal deal in a matter of hours. This off again…on again…off again scenario is admittedly frying my brain. I cannot process it in the gut. Intellectually yes, but in the gut, where it counts…no. 

Rainbow Mazes

I am too far down a path, trail, road to know or feel how to retreat to stability. I feel like I am lost in a maze. Make sense? No amount of rest, nutrition, intellectual pursuit, off sets this sense of hopelessness and it conspires to point to your weakness. 

Work + hospice + personal chaos did not make for a good day and the night doesn’t look very damn promising either. Ok, just a bad day is all. 

That said, a mentor of sorts gave me this tonight:

LETTING GO

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do for someone else.

To let go is not to cut someone off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.

To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,

it is to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle of arranging all the outcomes,

but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,

but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,

but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,

which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

The above piece was a handout, the type someone gives you to plant a seed or perhaps garner several truisms that will resonate and sustain.  Depending upon the moment in life one struggles with, there is definitely a kernel of reality for each sentence as we pass through the struggles of life.

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5 thoughts on “Finding Balance, Scale, Landmarks…………

  1. I agree the poem is very uplifting. It is helpful for those of us who try to help a loved one and feel totally helpless in “making this better”. We can’t make things better. We can only be there to support them on their way. I appreciate your daily updates.

  2. Pingback: Inspirational Thoughts « A FRESH START

  3. Hi….I have the “To let go” words from Al-Anon and codependency recovery although I struggle with it a lot….very codependent to my children…worry constantly…very much a caretaker also…volunteer work at cancer center in town lets me do all the care taking I want in 4 hours!!….you have stepped up to your challenges for years now and I sense a weariness developing in you….we can only do an emotional roller coaster for so long….I did one for years, worked as a drug/alcohol counselor and finally burned out…it was ugly and 3 years later am just coming out of it….on the crazy ride we find ourselves on it is very difficult to stop and process so many things…..just act or react….since retirement i have processed and come to many truths/realizations/accountability/etc.

    You are a kind and compassionate and giving soul….please take care of yourself….go fishing, sit in front of a fire and watch the flames, zone out on TV, zone out on Facebook…….my codependency is obvious to me in this post….I am even trying to care take you who I don’t know at all!!!! they say, in recovery, it is progress–not perfection:) not sure how much progress there is in care-taking a stranger!!!!! this is all said with a smile of irony on my face….

    peace to you

    kathi

    1. You are very wise and correct. Nothing like a long grind that straps you into the seat to see what you are made of AND how you were put together so long ago. Thank you for your caring. Thank you for holding a light up to the reality. All this may be a blessing in the end, if I can sort through and recognize not just the why’s but make the necessary adjustments to self correct and be less annoying to others! Thanks again 🙂

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