Clinging to……& the Shrug

I showed this little wild violet last Summer. It clung tenaciously to a crack in my Aunt's driveway amidst all the carried and dragged debris, the mud and the drop boxes. I remarked then it was a spot of beauty surrounded by tonnage of junk and filth. Today, it reminds me of my Aunt. Clinging to life.

I was going to complain. Not sure about what. Nothing is in sync in any direction I look. I seek the solace of prayers and reassuring myself. The truth is I am getting antsy and no answers provide clarity. The week has been one big shrug of the shoulders and head shake. A waiting scenario that by many, most standards is pretty short but it all seems to have been going on for two years with the combination of my mom’s  and aunt’s care. 

Remember, this is my place to vent, to appear unseemly. I am not sharing with family and care givers. For someone use to doing something about all manner of disasters, this is pushing me toward that door marked ‘helplessness’. Not going there. 

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The hospice nurse came this morning after I left to come home. I didn’t know she was coming (a random, unplanned visit) and after she left no one bothered to mention she had been there until later. I have previously voiced my need to know…period…about the assessments. Not just the care giver, but me. I am a bit pissed off about this, but I will calm down because I don’t get the vibe from the hospice nurse that she is ignoring my need to know. I will address it and reiterate my need to know…not secondary, but equal need to know….even if it is a damn shrug of the shoulders.

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