Labored breathing ~ Eyes barely open ~ Words trying to escape the mouth ~ Vacant stares ~ Pain ~ No food ~ Little water ~ I summon a Priest and the Final Blessing/Last Rites (Anointing of the Sick) ~ It is a touching and I see anxiety from my aunt ~ Difficulty breathing…10 seconds of more between breaths at times ~ pain ~ I call and summon a Hospice RN ~ A decision is quickly made ~ Paperwork is read and signed by me ~ Morphine ordered and delivered ~ hand clutching and direct stares ~ don’t look away ~ “I love you” is rasped out from inside…”I love you too” ~ Phone calls made across country ~ “Don’t leave me tonight” ~ “I don’t want to close my eyes” ~ “Not imminent, a couple days probably” ~ the Wait ~ Studying the face, the eyes, the breathing ~ the loud tick of the wall clock ~ appointments cancelled…”When do you want to reschedule?”…”Well, I can’t say yet”
Physical therapy, speech assessments cancelled. Will she do one of those rebounds that confound or confuse? I just don’t know…I really don’t know and the slow motion vigil begins.
I don’t mean to demean or over dramatize the times now. As in the beginning, as I lost my mom, I will write, as it suits me, to express, vent, sort and emote.