Hoarding Woes: Selling the Messy Home….

Hoarding Home. To be sold. The mess gone. The hoarder gone. What might you feel? Relief, Closure, Termination, Done, Over, Move On. Yes, relief. Sell the damn place. Pay off the debts and liens. Stand up, move on and don’t look back. Oh, wait.

What? Regret. Grief resurrected? Sadness. A heavy cloud of what if’s and why’s? What the hell! When is this over? When it comes together in your heart, head and yes, soul. It suddenly makes sense. Forgiveness. No more judging. Pure love. Are you there while they are alive, in the mess, still at odds? A long ways to go. 

Imagine my surprise when I discover the Team is scattered, emotionally, far and wide, regarding this progression: sad, relieved, grieving, happy; did I say sad?

Bottom line: The feelings for a hoarding survivor (I mean the family members/friends left behind that endured the life style, clean up, arguments, the deaths, the grieving) can suddenly come rushing from behind, unresolved. I have seen it of late. I am resigned, collected. All is good. Whoa! I stop, turn around and see others that paid a price also, caught up in grief. Well hell, I thought we moved through all this? Nope. It is still there. Hoarding or any addiction, has a way of lingering, loitering, holding on. Damn. I thought we were done with all this?

No, actually it is still there and will be, as you move through the process…coming and going…grief/relief revisited. Don’t be surprised as others are not on the same page as you. It does take a toll!

—————————

The wig is gone. A smile is there. We share her dinner. I dish up an ice cream sandwich for her. Insistent on going home tonight! She is packed! No love, not tonight. Not until after Christmas. ‘WHAT’!!! Yes, love, after Christmas. Eyes darting left and right. Shoulders easing down. Tension diminishing. She accepts, at least for tonight. We see above that the emotions move all over. One day at a time.  

Time passes the same, yet the patterns of time are different for each of us?

What caused all this? The positive response of multiple offers on my mom’s house! Hmm? And, my aunt lost that damn wig! Ah, the ebb and flow of life around a hoarder, or any other addiction. 

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4 thoughts on “Hoarding Woes: Selling the Messy Home….

  1. annietiques

    Congratulations on the sale of your Mother’s home!!!! Wow!

    I can imagine that the overwhelming extent of the hoard and all that had to be done was an obstacle to the grieving process……… I can tell you that the loss of my beloved father 4 1/2 years ago still tugs at my heart strings, I can’t tell you how many times, I have reached for the phone to tell him some tidbit of news, only to realize half-way thru the reach for the phone that I can’t call him anymore….and in that instant pure unadulterated grief!

    You have been thru so much…….if you can give yourself a little bit of room to breathe.

    So glad to hear that disgusting wig has departed the scene!

  2. Veronica in CA

    In 2007, I had to let go of my gramma’s house after she passed. It was over 100 years old, built by my great-grandfather, kept in beautiful condition, a real Arts and Crafts gem in the midwest. I felt devastated to sell it, so many happy memories there my whole life. Once the house sold, everything felt right. The new owners, a young couple just starting out, painted the exterior a happy color and planted a lovely garden (I know this from Google Street View). I smile when I think of a new family having Christmas dinners in my gramma’s wonderful dining room. And of course I am grateful that I don’t have the financial burden of a house 2,000 miles away.

    So congratulations on selling the house! Simplifying your overburdened life is a blessing. Mixed emotions will dissolve into happy once the deal is final.

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