Hoarding Woes: A Glimpse

A glimpse of old. You read that quite a bit about dementia. I don’t have any false givings about the diagnosis and one quickly changes in expectations. I am ever increasingly reality based. Nothing to do but adapt to the daily changes and just be. Love and accept. Easier when you are close at hand. Harder, I imagine, from afar.

I came in tonight to find my aunt bunded up and snoozing. I rubbed her cheek and she awoke with a happy chortle upon seeing my face.

 We visited and she was mostly in the present with no anxiety about any ‘when’s’ ‘what’s; or ‘do you think’s’. It was all mellow and resigned or just at ease. Not a bump in the conversation to suggest she didn’t know where she was. She just didn’t seem to care. Different than yesterday, and even more different than the day before. Adapt….

“I want to thank you people out there(yes,again) because you`ve given me a glimpse of how to deal with this disease–today was a good day as I was able to “go with the flow” and “enter” my husband`s world rather than expecting him to re-enter mine.I was able to relax and that seemed to help him and I`m thankful for these blessings while they are still here.He has not been quite as anxious today either.This morning he felt bad–probably because he did not sleep well last night–but by midday he was much better.I don`t know what tomorrow will bring but I don`t need to—I only have The Now.I now have hope,not that he will get better but that I will be a better care-giver.These are the nuggets of gold in the mountain of sand…..”   Aviovaimo     

Nuggets of gold’ indeed. The vacillations are a bit easier to endure if they don’t turn it toward you. Clinical? Analytical? Easy for the outsider. Having gotten close, finally, I resent losing it. But, for my own sanity, I adapt. I accept.  

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