One of my aunt’s favorite nephews is coming to town this weekend. He is bringing the whole family. He was suppose to come last Spring and didn’t and then as school let out, but didn’t. He called me last night and I talked to him and the wife and gave detailed directions so I believe they will be here late this afternoon. This will make my aunt happy, at least for the time she will remember they made the journey. That is a test of your commitment, isn’t it. Your 5 hour drive down and back and the gifts and conversations will be soon lost to the winds of her memory. I won’t say anything to them. She will be very happy. This will really upset the aunt to the south as she views this nephew as a money grubbing SOB. Of course, excepting her son, she views all the nephews that way. I will pray for a pleasant couple of days visit and no unusual mental twists and turns.
If you have followed along, the above picture was from the back yard and in the midst of the intense effort to clean up the outside as well as the inside of the house. There was the probably mistaken notion that she was going to mend and come home to a clean, safe home. Now that all seems so foolish. It likely was then too, I just couldn’t or wouldn’t see it.
I am not sure it would do her any good to bring her there now. Logistically, to get her there and out of the car, into a wheelchair and carried into the home could be done. But, once inside, what would be the psychological impact on the poor girl? She’d sit there and after awhile we’d say OK time to go? She sees the amazing efforts on the first floor, the beautiful kitchen and then we say ok we have to go now. Would that be inserting a cruel memory into her muddled mess of a brain now?
Even yesterday, as we sat in the waiting room of the x-ray place, she suddenly said what she has said many times in happier days….”let’s go get a burger. I have nothing much to eat at the house” This was a poignant moment. We’ve had such good times munching down a burger, and it was a carry over from when she and my mom used that term with eachohter. Also, she momentarily lapsed later when she said “I hope you don’t mind I haven’t done the dishes lately. I haven’t been feeling well.”
I remarked the other day that perhaps this blog out to change, in name, from Hoarding Woes to Dementia Woes. In the short term perhaps. Yet the houses wait. One, my mom’s, empty by virtue of her death, the other my aunt’s by virtue of her downfalls. Through it all, I have put my head down and moved toward a vague light, probably how I move through much of life. Courage.
“Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light?” Maurice Hills