My ‘mom’s house’: odd in a legal or reality sense. It is my house legally. Yet, I have kept it hers in my mind. Why? The mess? The insurmountable mess? We brought in a crew, as many suggested, and they have made great progress. I ran out of gas last Summer. Mentally and physically, I wore out. Many mind games were played by me to get through four months or so of grueling effort and many large drop boxes. In the end, I quit and when I needed to recharge to continue, I did not have it in me.
So, we contracted with a nine person crew to clean and stage the house’s belongings for sale. Then because of debts the house must go.
So, what was the unexpected results of this great effort? I pulled up to the house. An over filled drop box was in the drive way. Fine. Good job. I did not have to break my back yet again. But, inside the house was depleted of ‘stuff’. Visible in the house and garage were my mom and my dad. Suddenly, they were there…..them….not the mounds of meaningless stuff….but, them.
Overcome with this unexpected visual, I sobbed. I was shocked and saddened. Years and year had passed since I saw the house as it had been. All manner of personal touches were before me. My mom, my dad. A flood of suppressed emotions flooded out. This was on the heels of several recent events that have taxed me beyond my tolerances. I was opened up to the core.
I will survive all this. But, be forewarned. A return to the old days may take you down memory lane and dump you on your unprepared ass. Old pictures, videos, toys may do the same. What initially did it for me was a patio. Long since jammed, when it was depleted of crap, it was suddenly where countless parties had been held. On the walls were drawings and banners from birthday parties twenty plus years ago. Unprepared, I walked into a time warp that left me standing there totally unprepared for the all the grieving I had not endured this past year.