A cold rain fell this afternoon. I sat in my truck, drying off after standing in the awkward way at my parents’ grave. Today marked the one year mark since my mom passed away. Yesterday, another aunt was buried in Wisconsin. This morning, my aunt her…my special mission, was in a funk over my mom’s death, her just departed sister’s death and her failing health. I sat pondering the rain’s rivulets running down the windshield. Lost in thought, I wondered at what I have left to do for those I love and care for.
This is daunting right now. One has to be very careful to keep track of one’s own health (physical and mental) while pushing hard to keep everyone else’s life safe and sane. I have failed of late. Worn down to a teetering point of mental collapse over one calamity after another, I realize I can be of no use to those I love if I don’t self access now and then re sleep, nutrition, meditation and positive thinking.
My aunt needs me to guide her through this CHF journey. My family and friends need me to be a steadfast place of solace and strength. How to gain this traction. Well, I just look upon my little gem of an aunt. My little 93 y/o sputtering dynamo.
Hard to feel sorry for oneself when pondering her journey these many years. Of course, I will see it through. Today, barely audible as I spoke into the wind “I love you mom. I love you dad” I knew all they had done for me. I knew how they would handle all manner of life’s challenges…..one steady, if tired, step in front of the next.
Mother’s Day Sunday. Fitting. I think my dear aunt (my Godmother) is craving some bright red geraniums and fresh potting soil.